Cuomo to New Yorkers: “Call me 'Andy'”
Published April 17th, 2016
Photo by Bob Jagendorf
ALBANY — In response to a new poll that ranked Andrew Cuomo 50th on the list of “Friendliest-Looking Governors in America,” his administration today announced legislation that would make it mandatory for New Yorkers to call him “Andy.”
Under the bill — known informally as “Andy's Law” — any citizen who refers to the governor as anything other than “Andy,” “Gov. Andy” or “Andy the Governor” will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.
The bill also includes language prohibiting the use of popular euphemisms for New York's top dog, such as “Lucifer”, “The Prince of Darkness” and “Old Nick,” along with any variation of the word “politician” used in combination with the hacky idiom “from hell.”
“It's time we moved past formalities,” Gov. Andy told The Smudge. “My name is Andrew, but you can call me Andy.
“Actually, upon this bill’s passage, you will be required by law to call me ‘Andy,’ so it's probably in your best interest to start doing it now, you know, before I can have you arrested.”
The bill confused civil libertarians who called the measure “a blatant ploy by Andy to broaden his appeal.”
“I usually don't use words like this, but yeah, I'm flummoxed by this bill,” said Madge Pemberdash, chair of the NYS Libertarian Party. “On the surface, this seems like a very nice gesture. I personally have always wanted to call the governor ‘Andy.’ I didn't, though, out of respect. But now that I will have to, frankly, I'm not sure that I feel comfortable. I think it's a bit disingenuous.”
If the bill passes as expected, and Pemberdash fails to refer to the governor as Andy, she could be hit with fines up to $30,000 and three years in jail.
“Listen, I don't want anyone to get thrown into the clink or financially destroyed for failing to call me ‘Andy,’” said Andy the Governor. “I just want people to feel comfortable around me, that's all.”