Trump Rally Results In Walmart Closures, Drop in Drunk-Disturbance Crimes

By Curtis Riboflavin

Published April 17th, 2016

Thousands of would-be criminals file out of the Times Union Center after the
Trump rally on Wednesday.

ALBANY — NASCAR fans throughout the Capital Region turned out en masse Monday to watch Donald Trump speak at the Times Union Center, resulting in a 100-percent drop in public urination and drunken disorderly arrests throughout Albany County.

“This is the greatest white trash event since the invention of the monster truck,” said Jack Crudd, a professor of Modern Dirtbag Culture Studies at Union College. “Who has time for NASCAR when The Donald is in town?”

The full-scale gathering of NASCAR fans downtown enabled area Wal-Marts to close for the day. Police, meanwhile, also took the day off in the towns of Berne, Buskirk, Schaghticoke, Corinth, Ravena and all of Washington, Warren and Montgomery counties.

Buskirk Police Chief Kevin Beard said the day proved to be a “win-win” for his department since it gave his three officers a needed day off and allowed them a chance to watch Trump trash liberals.

"He speaks his mind. " Beard said. "We'd all take a bullet for that man."

Trump supporter Ernie Shambleberry, 71, of Mechanicville said he drove his pick-up truck to the rally because he believes Trump, the GOP front-runner, will be the “best damn white president since George W. Reagan.”

Jesse Shooper, 27, of Glens Falls, said he loves that Trump speaks in easy-to-understand sound bites. And, he said, Trump's German ancestry is an added plus.

“Build a wall! Build a wall!”  Shooper said.  “Yeah, you can have my guns, Col. Bernie Sanders — bullets first!”

Ziggy Catbarker, 38, of Fort Edward, said he went to the rally hoping to hear that Trump would “put an end to race-mixin’ and liberalism.”

Draped in a Confederate flag, Catbarker said he does not believe other candidates truly respect the American military like Trump does.

“Donald is a real American soldier,” Catbarker said. “He’s gonna make them terrorism fellers wish they never stepped foot off the boat.”


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