Occupy Albany Running Out of Weed
By Quack Davis
Published April 24th, 2016
Photo by David Shankbone
ALBANY — Occupy Albany is in the one percent.
And by that we mean that members of the super-progressive activist movement have less than 1 percent left of their once-gigantic weed stash.
“This is a problem no one anticipated,” said Trevor McGoohan, 24, a highly ranked hippy with the Occupy movement who loves jam music, pot brownies and cats. “We are almost out of freaking weed, dude. I'm gonna have to bail.”
Sources said Occupy Albany leaders were optimistic they had enough marijuana to last until the end of the month but the success of progressive presidential candidate Bernie Sanders prompted members to toke at a faster pace.
“We did a lot burning for Bernie,” said McGoohan between puffs on his bowl inside his Lark Street apartment.
Dude Reilly, 35, of Quail Street, an unemployed Phish fan, was horrified by the evaporating supply.
"Less than 1-fucking percent? Well that's just fucking great, man. We're so over."
Bong Wilburt, 64, who lives in a cardboard box near Washington Park, told a pack of reporters he believes the Occupy movement is being spied on by Republicans who work for the Albany police.
“You see, they’re watching us,” Wilburt said, twisting his braided beard. “Them corporate Nazis took our weed. This is all part of their plan.”
But Nancy Moonshadow Anderson, an Occupy Albany spokeswoman, told The Smudge that the Occupy movement is about more than an excuse to get high.
“It’s about, like, a world revolution and stuff,” she said. “This is a manifestation of a collective undertaking. Like Black Lives Matter and shit. Weed matters too.”