Comedy Showcase to Feature 'Classy, Demure' Women Who Are Not Amy Schumer

By Quack Davis

Published May 17th, 2016

ALBANY — A local blogger is looking to recruit “classy” and “demure” women to compete in a talent contest in an effort to drive home the point that popular comedienne Amy Schumer is “crass,” “dirty” and “too ugly” to be a celebrity.

“We need to make America hot again. No more Amy Schumer!” said Chrissie Olafsson-Barletto , a 6-foot-10-inch  columnist, blogger and chairwoman of The Real Shallow Republican Housewives of the Capital District.

Barletto, 35, recently ignited controversy when she wrote a blog entry before Schumer’s May 5 appearance in Albany, saying she was incensed someone as unattractive as Schumer could deign to tell jokes when she lacks the required hotness.

“Darn it, I want my celebrities hotter than the sun and Amy Schumer does not pass muster,” Barletto wrote. “I think Lucille Ball was nothing but a filthy harlot married to a communist Cuban, but even she was preferable to this Schumer skank. If she was hot, well that would be different. We could let it slide. I find her foul. And worse, I find her average-looking.”

Barletto said the women for whom she is searching must be extremely good-looking, married to a bona fide heartthrob and tell jokes in a classy and demure manner befitting a lady. Tickets to the contest, she said, will be $1,000-a-head with half the proceeds going to charity and the other half to the National Republican Committee.

Barletto will decide the winner.

Chuck Woolery, a spokesman for Amy Schumer, said: “Who is this dingbat? Why would anybody pay $1,000 to see a bunch of rich women with sticks up their asses tell jokes?”

So far, early applicants for Barletto’s contest include Michele Bachmann, Doris Day and Elisabeth Hasselbeck.

“I want classy. I want demure. I want homemaker hotties!” Barletto said.  “I want a woman you can bake with. Not fat cows like Amy Schumer talking about things like sex and nudity and immorality.  What kind of message does this filth send to our rich and impressionable suburban white kids?”


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