Bethlehem Family Given Cold Shoulder For Encouraging Ice Cream Truck

By Scott Salad

Published May 22nd, 2016

BETHLEHEM — Another family from an upscale neighborhood here is being shunned by neighbors: This time for its continued support of a local food truck.

Residents of Caucasus Ridge —who’ve long viewed the presence of ice cream trucks in their tony confines as “problematic” — have started a systematic campaign to avoid the Pilfer family of 357 Lilly White Lane.

“We have a strict ‘do not support’ policy toward ice cream trucks,” said Neighborhood Association President Stockard Bulbous-Klondike. “Anyone who continues to give business to purveyors of high calorie, preservative-riddled fodder will be dealt with accordingly.”

Bulbous-Klondike said the mass snubbing would be fairly standard in structure, and employ the same time-honored methods of intimidation used in the recent snubbings of an area woman who sent her kids to school with unapproved snacks and an energy-efficient family living nearby on Massengill Way.

“Yes, we will be ignoring them, while, at the same time, talking about them behind their backs,” Bulbous-Klondike said.

Jensa Schneider-Whitey, who lives one block away from the Pilfers on Bilderberg Lane, agrees with the snubbing.

“When I hear that ice cream truck and its incessant jingle jangle coming up the road, my whole body begins to shake with rage,” said Schneider-Whitey. “I gave them a Schwann's brochure when they moved in, you know. I told them that we don't encourage the ice cream truck. Did they listen? Obviously no. So my husband and I, along with our three naturally gifted children, will be shunning them from now on.”

Despite the area wide “freeze-out” his family's had to endure since the snubbing went into effect May 19, Tom Pilfer said he and his wife, Maddy, have no immediate plans to stop their kids from frequenting the ice cream truck.

“If we knew that's all it would take to get a bunch of snooty douchebags to stop talking to us, we would have upped our business a long time ago,” Pilfer said while gnawing on a bomb pop.

Meanwhile, the operator of the truck, 17-year-old Benny Hill of Colonie, said he really enjoys pissing off affluent anal-retentives by blasting Scott Joplin's ragtime standard “The Entertainer” from his truck's speakers.

“I don't go there to sell ice cream, I just like to park there on my dinner break,” Hill admitted. “It's fun as fuck. They get so mad at me. By the way, which house is Schneider-Whitey's?”


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