Colonie Towers to Be Renamed ‘Old People Apartment Complex’
Published May 22nd, 2016
Old People Apartment Complex resident Gus Hostetler
COLONIE — Operators of a towering apartment complex in Colonie have decided to rename the high-rise development after the significant number of senior citizens who live there.
The Colonie Towers will be renamed “The Apartments Where All Those Old People Live,” according to a master plan hatched by yuppie entrepreneur Brody Magpie, 27, who owns the apartments.
“Lets face it, everybody who drives by these apartments thinks, ‘Hey, isn’t that the place where all those old people live?’” said Magpie. “So why fight it? We’re going to own this.”
Magpie said he isn’t worried the new name might be considered offensive to senior citizens. He added he also was considering alternative names that included "Graybeard Arms" and "Tri-City Geezers."
“And I honestly think the seniors will love it, dude.”
Gus Hostetler, 81, who lives on the top floor of one of the apartment towers, said he finds the new name "distasteful." He said he would like to punch Magpie in the nose.
“Where does this whippersnapper come off saying this complex is full of old people?” Hostetler said. "I'd like to show him some 1947 wallop."
Egg McIntosh, 37 — one of four “young weirdoes” living in the Towers, according to Magpie — said he moved to the complex from Cincinnati last week. He was hoping to meet a girl and friends his age.
“Oh golly, where did I move to?” crowed McIntosh. “I’ll never get a date now.”