Police Probe Reports of Menands Cockfight Club

By Pug Ransom

Published June 26th, 2016

Photo by haitham alfalah

MENANDS — State Police are investigating reports of a Menands cockfighting ring after a man appeared at Troop G headquarters to complain his chicken had been attacked by an unruly mob during an early-morning bird-brawl staged at an unassuming ranch home in this quiet Albany County village.

Earl Possum told investigators the incident happened when his chicken — known in fight-circles as “The Ultimate Cock” —went limp during a match against circuit champ “Duane Fowl-Weather Feathers.”

“The report we received is a handful of angry cock-fighting fans literally choked Mr. Possum’s chicken after it quit battling the other bird,” Sgt. Larry Fine told the Smudge. “Cruelty to animals is something we will not tolerate in any form. As disturbed as we are to learn that a group of men choked Mr. Possum’s chicken, we are equally outraged that cockfighting is happening in Menands.”

Following Possum’s complaint, police raided the unassuming ranch home, but we’re unable to locate its owner — described to authorities as a small man resembling a Vietnamese garden gnome with a spine as brittle as a Keebler sugar wafer.

“We can’t disclose too much at this time, but we can confirm that we found leaky French drains and a sandbox with chicken droppings inside the home,” said Fine. “Still, because no charges have been lodged, we are withholding the homeowner’s name. Suffice it to say though, he’s a total creep. But I guess that’s a given since he’s hosting cockfights.”

Menands Mayor Bob Barker said the community is “shocked” by the investigation.

“But, I’m a glass half-full kind of guy,” he said, “So, on the bright side, this cock-fighting probe has gotten residents to focus on something else besides the rotten-egg fart smell that permeates Menands.”

Fine would not say whether Possum faces charges for his involvement in the alleged ring.

“That’s something we are discussing but I have nothing to report at this time,” the sergeant said. “All I can tell you is, right now, Mr. Possum has sought medical treatment for his battered cock.”


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