Cuomo Hot on 'Game of Thrones' Wildfire Beneath Capitol

By Curtis Riboflavin

Published June 3rd, 2016

Artist's representation of wildfire erupting beneath the New York State Capitol Building.

ALBANY — Gov. Andrew Cuomo is storing hundreds of gallons of wildfire — the volatile green liquid that burns whole cities to the ground on the HBO blockbuster show Game of Thrones — in the bowels of the state Capitol, The Albany Smudge has learned.

Aides scoffed at reports Cuomo stocked up on the lethal liquid to flood the Capitol in case agents for Manhattan U.S. Attorney Preet Bharara try to arrest him in connection with an FBI investigation into the Buffalo Billion project.

"That is a bunch of poppycock. The wildfire is purely for security reasons," said Cuomo spokesman Cliff Targaryen. "There is no story here."

Sources close to Cuomo said the governor broke out into diabolical laughter while viewing the show’s Season 6 finale. During that episode, villainess Cersei Lannister ordered the Great Sept — the religious epicenter of the show and the venue where she was to be tried by religious fanatics for having sex with her twin brother — to be engulfed in wildfire, killing most of her enemies.

"Burn baby burn! You go Cersei!" Cuomo reportedly screamed. Turning to a mirror, Cuomo then said maniacally to himself: "This Cersei makes me green with envy!"

Wildfire, according to the Game of Thrones Wiki website, is a "highly volatile material which can explode with tremendous force and burns with a fire that water cannot extinguish, only large quantities of sand."

A source said Cuomo may order a temporary ban on sand in the immediate area of the Capitol for "security reasons."

Lt. Frank Langella, a spokesman for the Albany Fire Department,  said there was no reason to prepare for a fire that has not yet started.

"We will cross that fire when we come to it," he said.

Meanwhile, the source also said Cuomo adamantly told confidantes his support for Cersei Lannister only goes so far.

"Wildfire is one thing,” Cuomo reportedly said. “But if you think I am going to have sex with my brother, Chris Cuomo, you are dead wrong.”


RELATED ARTICLES

Cuomo’s Transgender Plan: All Bathrooms To Be Unisex
• Cuomo eyes ban on smiling
• Cuomo to New Yorkers: “Call me 'Andy'”
Cuomo Fearing His Favorability Rating Will Rise
• Aide Fired After 'Hasselhoffing' Cuomo