Mayor Resigns as Menands Votes to Leave Capital District
By Scott Salad
Published July 3rd, 2016
Pro-leave supporters celebrating in Menands.
MENANDS — The results are in: The people of Menands are withdrawing from the Capital District.
Fifty-two percent of those who cast a ballot in what has been dubbed “Menexit,” voted to leave the metropolitan area that surrounds Albany.
“The dawn is breaking on an independent Menands,” said Nigel Sturgeon, leader of the town's Independence Party. “Let the third of July go down in history as our, well, Fourth of July.”
Mayor Cameron Crowe, who led the campaign to keep the mysteriously pungent village in the district, said he would resign in October and left it to his successor to decide when to invoke Article 217, which would trigger the official departure.
“I will do everything I can as Mayor to steady the ship over the coming months,” he said, “But I do not think it would be right for me to be the captain that steers Menands to its next destination.”
Meanwhile, the village's most prominent “leave” campaigner, perpetually sloppy-looking former Mayor Boris Dingus, could barely contain his excitement.
“We've had a slow evolution to democracy,” said the self-described ‘One-Village’ Conservative. “This is just another step in that direction. I'm overjoyed.”
Others expressed frustration and anger at the vote.
“Good luck to us all, I say,” said 28-year old Olivia Gangster-Bullman. “The future looks bleak indeed.”
As word spread throughout the region, elected officials in neighboring communities downplayed the results.
“This referendum will have literally no effect whatsoever on anything,” said Colonie Town Supervisor Cricket Johnson. “When we say 'Capital Region' we're simply referring to an area, not a politico-economic union or system of intergovernmental decision-making. It's just an easier way of saying, 'our neck of the woods.' What am I missing?”
Albany Mayor Kathy Sheehan — who was out in front of Albany's City Hall showing off her new Adam Levine Tattoo — agreed.
“Menands voted to what?” Sheehan asked while putting her shirt back on. “That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard.”
While it remains to be seen what kind of impact the referendum will ultimately have on the region, one thing is for certain: The people of Menands have caught a whiff of freedom and it smells nothing like the suspiciously sulphuric, almost rotten-egg stench they've lived with for years.
“We're finally free,” said a patron of Strippy's Gentlemen's Club on Broadway. "From now on, it's democracy not bureaucracy!"