Local Fool Expected Real Dinosaur Meat at Dinosaur Bar-B-Que
By Quack Davis
Published July 17th, 2016
TROY — A slack-jawed Cohoes man who apparently believes everything he reads has sued the popular Dinosaur Barb-B-Que for false advertising because the restaurant does not serve customers real barbecued dinosaur meat.
"Well, I didn't come here to eat pulled fucking pork!" said a ticked-off Walder Frey, a 46-year-old belt salesman who lives with his mom in the Spindle City. "I wanted to sink my teeth into a delicious T-Rex. I am not a happy camper right now."
Frey barked at an Albany Smudge reporter who asked whether Frey was sober when he filed the lawsuit in Rensselaer County Supreme Court.
"Don't be such a hater. Steakhouses sell steaks and burger joints sell burgers. Why is Walder Frey some kind of jerk because I expected dinosaur meat at a place called 'Dinosaur Bar-B-Que?’" Frey asked. "You tell me, bro, who the idiot is.
"I wanted my Dinosaur Bar-B-Que experience to be dyn-o-mite,” Frey added. “I wanted to eat a dinosaur. Is that too much to ask?"
Frey said he did not eat anything for a week so he would have a "Jurassic appetite" — and room in his stomach — for menu items he hoped would include brontosaurus burgers, triceratops tenders and raptor pie.
"There is not a single dinosaur on the menu," a clearly distressed Frey said. "I'll find a real dinosaur eventually and I will eat that dinosaur."
But that won’t happen at the Dinosaur Bar-B-Que.
Dane Birch, a spokesman for the Syracuse-based restaurant, said Frey acted like a "total baby" and will not be allowed back until he is smart enough to know that dinosaurs are not alive in 2016.
Moose Scadbury, a lawyer for the restaurant, said Frey should know that birds are technically related, through the evolutionary chain, to dinosaurs, which would make his lawsuit moot.
"Bring it on, baby," the cocky lawyer said. "We'll fry this Frey guy."