Woman with Jersey Plates Successfully Parallel Parks in Saratoga
By Cecily Bapp
Published August 7th, 2016
Traffic backed up along Broadway in Saratoga after a New Jersey woman successfully parked
her Cadillac Escalade. (Photo by Daniel Case)
SARATOGA SPRINGS — In a feat heretofore unwitnessed in Saratoga Springs, a female tourist from New Jersey successfully parallel parked her Cadillac Escalade on Broadway Saturday — completing the maneuver in one go and leaving her shiny, black over-sized vehicle within three inches of the curb.
“It was like watching a dog play the piano. I’ve never seen anything like it in my life,” observed Jim Chestnutt, a fellow motorist who was caught up in the ensuing traffic jam that snaked almost five miles south along Broadway.
Astonished drivers gawking at the phenomena caused numerous fender benders, as cars careened off the thoroughfare into parked, and double-parked, cars, narrowly avoiding pedestrians.
Through it all, the Jersey woman, Michelle Marie Gugliotta of Ho-ho-kus, remained unruffled. After completing the tricky maneuver, she exited her Cadillac, grabbed her colossal Louis Vitton bag, and slammed the door of her hefty vehicle without breaking a nail or her stride.
“Anthony, watch your brothers!” barked Ms. Gugliotta as she exited the rig. “Don’t you people have anything else to do? And get the fuck away from my truck!”
Saratoga Springs Police Chief Jason Tattoo was less casual about the driver’s antics.
“She was creating a public nuisance with her exhibitionist behavior,” said Tattoo. “Ms. Gugliotta is currently a wanted person in Saratoga Springs and eligible for extradition from Hocus-Pocus, or at the very least a hefty fine.”
Although parallel parking is required in order to pass the New York State Department of Motor Vehicles road test, it is compulsory to fail at performing the maneuver in Saratoga County. A quaint, yet irritating ritual is generally complied with by local drivers, who make a minimum of three failed attempts at parallel parking before speeding away in frustration.