Glens Falls to Host First-Ever ‘Old Man Olympics’
By Fred Furnace
Published August 7th, 2016
Artist's representation of what the Old Man Olympics might look like when it begins in Glens Falls
GLENS FALLS — Inspired by all the attention the summer Olympics in Rio are getting, Glens Falls has announced it will host the first-ever “Old Man Olympics” next year.
"The regular Olympics are great, but the events focus too heavily on real sporting events involving world-class athletes,” said Glens Falls Mayor Jack Diamond. “There isn’t nearly enough focus on the weird, antiquated games that old men love to play.
"We see a void in the old-man segment of the market and we think we can fill that void,” he added.
The inaugural games will include: backgammon, pinochle, horseshoes, dominoes, spades, hearts, bridge, cribbage, bingo, euchre, marbles, shuffleboard, “pull my finger,” and “get the hell off of my lawn.”
"It's gonna be grand,” Diamond said. “We are very excited to host grumpy – but talented – old men from around the globe.”
The games will be sponsored by Stella D’Ora Original Breakfast Treats, Old Spice, Eight O’Clock Coffee, Fig Newtons, mothballs, OTB, and flannel bathrobes.
Local reaction to the announcement has been mostly positive. Earl Simmons of 4th Avenue in Watervliet said he is excited by the news and hopes to spend hours watching his fellow old men play the little-known Canadian board game, Crokinole.
Milton McPhulp of Schaghticoke, however, said he “couldn’t care less,” and will not tune-in to the coverage. He also complained that he can’t sleep, has poor circulation in his legs, and “can’t hear the damn television over all this goddamn chatter.”