Smudge Reporter's IQ Drops After Writing ‘Pokemon Go’ Story
By Scott Salad
Published Agust 7th, 2016
Images of Pokemon Go app.
MENANDS — A well-respected make-believe journalist with The Albany Smudge grew considerably dumber over a two-week period and now his wife is blaming it on a story he wrote in July.
Dodie Fingerton's wife, Hooty, claims her husband's IQ dropped 62-points after writing a piece on Gov. Andrew Cuomo's alleged obsession with the wildly popular location-based augmented reality app, Pokemon Go.
“I noticed Dodie was having trouble comprehending simple tasks, like how to make toast and load the dishwasher,” Hooty told The Smudge. “When I measured his IQ, sure enough, he had gotten dumber.”
Hooty, a psychologist who has administered weekly IQ tests to her husband since the two met in 1998, said she's worried Dodie will be "mildly retarded by September and as stupid as a chipmunk by Christmas."
“His IQ was 112 on July 10,” she said. “Then he wrote that Pokemon Go story and now it's in the 40's. He's useless.”
Since its release in July, Pokemon Go has taken the gaming world by storm. Though it’s been widely criticized for causing accidents and for drawing people into dangerous places in search of imaginary creatures, no one, until now, has claimed that it’s turned someone they love into a complete moron.
“Dodie was researching all kinds of weird things for that article,” said Hooty. “Pokestops, PokeBalls, gyms, candies and stardust. It's no wonder he's having trouble coping. Christ, I feel like I'm getting dumber just telling you this.”
Albany Smudge Senior Editor Burt Wilkersonn said while Fingerton's recent dumbing is concerning, it could be just be a symptom of his work.
“When you write fake news, you get dumber. That's just how it is,” said Wilkersonn. “That said, Dodie did get really dumb really quick. That's troubling. Has he gotten his head checked? Maybe he thumped it while playing Pokemon Go. That seems to be the trend.”
Wilkersonn was referring to the concussion Andrew Cuomo suffered in July after he walked into a marble pillar. Fingerton's story quoted a source who saw the governor playing Pokemon Go on his phone seconds before the accident occurred.
“He's not playing Pokemon Go,” Hooty confirmed. “He thinks his cell phone is a Pop Tart. He's tried to eat it, like, five times.”
Fingerton, who was last seen “ooh-ing” and “ahh-ing” while microwaving a wad of tin foil in the Smudge's third floor break room, could not be reached for comment.