Horse Meat Scandal ‘Shakes’ Up Saratoga

By Leslie Carp

Published August 14th, 2016

A horse burger served in Paris, France.

SARATOGA SPRINGS — The gruesome discovery of horse meat in Shake Shack milkshakes and hamburgers has come as a shock to racegoers, further sullying the reputation of Saratoga Race Course.

“I got all the way through my Sloppy Track milkshake when I found a bunch of raw meat at the bottom,” said Adriana Chechik, who was at the racetrack for an agency picnic with the state Department of Health.

Ms. Chechik saved a sample of the meat, which was tested and found to contain horse. Complaints of raw meat in milkshakes and strange tasting burgers were lodged by several other racegoers, but no other samples were saved or tested.

Somewhat alarmingly, the mystery milkshake meat was found just days after the ninth thoroughbred of the season was humanely euthanized on the track in front of several thousand spectators. 

Racing thoroughbreds who are euthanized in the United States are typically shipped quietly overseas to be processed and sold in France as IKEA meatballs and 100-percent all beef hot dogs – safely out of sight, and out of the mouths of American consumers, who view horses as companions or lovers, not meat.

“It’s one thing for injured racehorses to have to be put down – that’s just a natural part of life. But eating horses is wrong, no matter what,” said Alexis Texas, a Bethlehem housewife who frequents Saratoga. “Why do you think the Chinese built the Great Wall? To keep the Mongolians from eating their horses, that’s why!”

Shake Shack manager Buck Uncle, a mustachioed former horse trainer who makes leather tack as a hobby, assures Shake Shack lovers that the horse-meat scandal was an isolated incident of foul horseplay.

“Shake Shack takes great pride in our product and our people. I don’t mess around here. Weak links are either let go, or whipped into shape,” said Uncle. “I’ll find the guy who did this, and when I finally let him leave my dungeon, he won’t be able to walk for weeks.”


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