Albany Smudge Joins Media Conspiracy Against Trump
Published August 21st, 2016
Photo by Gage Skidmore
ALBANY — The Albany Smudge — as part of the ongoing media conspiracy to help Hillary Rodham Clinton unfairly win the presidency — will team up with other fake media outlets to destroy the campaign of Republican candidate Donald J. Trump.
A source with inside knowledge of the plot told The Smudge that Smudge Senior Editor Burt Wilkerson was “tickled pink” by the thought of conspiring to ensure Clinton wins the White House. Joining Wilkerson in the conspiracy are editors from the Utica Sponge-News, Burlington Libel-Express, The Springfield Stain and The Syracuse Post-Mortem.
"Trump will be made to look like he is a total idiot, and Hillary will look like she’s all that,” said the source. "This is real black-ops stuff we're talking about."
Smudge Editor-at-Large Stephen Glass was handpicked by Wilkerson to spearhead the coverage. Glass — who inspired the motion picture Shattered Glass after gaining infamy for fabricating almost every story he wrote while working for The New Republic magazine — has reportedly wowed the team of anti-Trump conspirators with his effortless ability to write total and complete falsehoods.
"Fake newspapers need to work together on this caper,” Wilkerson reportedly told Glass over coffee and muffins at Dunkin Donuts on Lark Street. “We’ll sell papers and help the Democrats win, which, last I checked, is why we are all in the fake news business.”
Nelson Sporkles, executive editor of The Springfield Stain, echoed Wilkerson’s sentiment.
“Trump will be finished by the time Stephen Glass, Burt Wilkerson and I are finished with him,” Sporkles said.
Trump spokesman Sandy Albatross said news of the conspiracy confirms what Trump has been saying all along in regard to the media’s “dishonesty.” In a short but tersely worded statement from the campaign, Albatross added:
“Burt Wilkerson is the founder of ISIS. He is part of the problem. I know the Left doesn’t want you to know that but, believe me, it’s true.”