Smudge Discovers Two Cops Who Might Not ‘Vote Trump’
By Quack Davis
Published August 28th, 2016
Photo by Gage Skidmore
ALBANY – Two local law enforcement officers — partners on the job and roommates downtown — may not vote for Donald Trump, keeping the Republican candidate from securing a total lock on the nation’s cop vote.
In a recent interview with the Smudge, the two officers — both Albany County Sheriff’s deputies — grew somewhat defensive when asked whom they support for the White House.
“Why do you ask? Do you think I'm gay? Well, I'm not!" blurted Deputy Jeff Motors, 47, as he stirred a pumpkin spice cup of tea in a coffee shop on Lark Street. “My partner, Albert, and I might have plans to visit some buddies in Hudson Election Night so we don't know who indeed we will vote for. How's that for an answer, Mr. Davis? Now, would you like a scone?"
Motors and his partner — 48-year-old Albert Gluckface — have lived together since 1997 in Center Square, where a "Clinton-Kaine" sign sits outside their tony abode.
"Some liberal probably put it there," Gluckface said nervously. "As for Trump? Well, the Donald is not without his charms. I will certainly look him over completely with a fine-toothed comb. Outside of that, I have nothing to say. And by the way, there is nothing different about Jeff and me. We are very straight… Truffles?"
The deputies’ refusal to commit to the GOP nominee did not sit well with F. Beaker Howards, president of Albany Police Officers For Trump.
“We can’t ‘Make America Great Again’ with less than 100 percent of the cop vote,” he said “We already have votes coming from 99.9 percent of cops nationwide. Now we just need these two meatheads."
Retired Albany cop Whitey McGunlover, 87, said he thinks the deputies are “totally out of their freaking minds” if they vote for anyone but Trump.
“Trump is just what we need,” McGunlover said. “He is a rational voice who will help our country recover from the devastation Obama caused. But if all cops don’t vote for Trump, we’re screwed. And then Crooked Hillary will steal our guns.”
Asked why so many cops love Trump, Mitch Box, a police sergeant from Cohoes, said Trump is “very respectful, speaks his mind and says all the right things about Mexicans."
“We cops have been waiting for a guy like Donald Trump for years. He’s exactly like us blue collar guys from Cohoes,” Box said, as he stepped into his 1997 Chevy Metro.
Not everyone, however, was bothered by the deputies’ reluctance to support Trump.
Kalvan Goolidge, a spokeswoman for Democratic candidate Hillary Clinton, said the candidate would be happy to support law enforcement — especially if officers simply agreed to contribute one-third of their pensions to the Clinton Foundation.