Saratoga Ends Summer Gala Season with 'Lack of Self-Awareness Ball'

By Dodie Fingerton

Published September 4h, 2016

SARATOGA — Billed as “a fitting end to another obscene Summer Gala season” in Saratoga, the first-ever 'Lack of Self-Awareness Ball' will be held at the Polo Grounds Saturday, September 10.

The black-tie event will benefit Saratoga's Mindful Mission, an organization dedicated to “creating awareness of the growing douche-ness of Saratoga's philanthropic community.”

“There’s a self-awareness problem in Saratoga right now,” said LSAB co-chair Louise Lubby. “Just take a look at the Times Union's ‘Seen’ feature and you'll see plenty of privileged people overindulging in the name of their favorite dot-org. Google 'The White Party' if you don't believe me.”

Lubby was referring to the popular mid-summer gala where the attire is 'White Cocktail,' the people are rich and white, and the co-chairs, no shit, arrived by helicopter this year.

"A local photographer went blind after shooting that event," noted Lubby.

But the list of obnoxious Spa City balls doesn't stop there. Over the years, The Marylou Whitney Opening Day Luncheon, The Satin and Silk Gala, The Music, Models and Mingling Benefit, A Night in Tuscani Banquet, the Polo by Twilight Benefit and the Sizzling Hot Pink Saratoga Hat Luncheon, have all raised eyebrows.

Although the 'Lack of Self-Awareness Ball' will feature an elegant dinner, a cigar roller and bourbon lounge, and a silent auction, co-chair Headwig LaMarr hopes her organization's ulterior motive becomes apparent to everyone who attends. “In many ways, this will be like every other gala thrown in Saratoga,” said LaMarr. “Over the top, faux do-goody, and creepy in a new-order Arian kind of way. We just hope people realize we're being ironic, take the jab in good measure and decide to make a conscious effort to scale back on their bullshit next year.”

To reinforce their point, LaMarr and Lubby plan to arrive on a wheel-less, human-powered transport known as a ‘litter.’

“And if we can find a few developmentally disabled little people in a minority to carry us in, I think we will have made our point.”

Pete Knob, an investment banker who lives in a penthouse on Broadway, said he's excited about the final gala of the season.

“Retarded midgets? Sounds like a great cause,” he chuckled. “Honestly, I really don't care what the charity is. I just want to wear an expensive suit to an expensive party, pretend it's in my nature to care about the issue at hand, and then, hopefully, get laid.”


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