Brunswick Man’s Bowels Burst From Dirty Vape ‘Juice’

By Pug Ransom

Published September 11th, 2016

Polluted Hudson River water and a vape pen are being blamed for a disgusting
incident that occurred on Hoosick Street on Sunday. (Photo illegally swiped
from some guy posing as Matt Wade)

TROY — A Brunswick man who used dirty Hudson River water in his vape device was admitted to a local hospital with what medical experts say is the region’s first known case of Cholera in at least a century.

Arlo Waldroop, 24, was listed in critical but stable condition Sunday at St. Samaritan Medical Center, where he was taken after shitting himself on Hoosick Street seconds before experiencing a seizure, police said.

“He was on his back, twitching and bouncing all over the sidewalk,” said Troy Police Lt. Helmet Schmutz. “Initially, people thought he was breakdancing so they just kept driving by. It wasn’t until the projectile vomiting started that we were called.”

Upon regaining consciousness, Waldroop told authorities he had gotten sick about an hour after filling his vape with the polluted river water, which he then tried to flavor with a packet of ketchup and some pepper from a nearby Wendy’s.

“Apparently, Mr Waldroop figured he’d save money by making his own vape juice instead of buying it,” Schmutz said. “Why he didn’t use tap water, though, we have no idea. We can only speculate that he’s not too bright.”

Dr. Wemm Wilder, director of Internal Medicine at St. Samaritan, said while the local medical community has not treated Cholera in roughly 100 years, the hospital was prepared.

“Thankfully, Walgreen’s is across the street and so we sent a candy-striper over there to buy some Immodium,” Wilder said. “It all worked out. As is the case with most vape users, we can’t do anything about Mr. Waldroop’s low IQ. But at least he’s not shitting himself anymore.”


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