Latham Woman Runs Out of Things to Pierce

By Fred Furnace

Published September 11th, 2016

LATHAM — An avid piercing and tattoo enthusiast was turned away by a piercing establishment Saturday after being deemed “already completely full.”

Marilyn Knob of Latham, who neighbors say looks like “a human pin cushion” and “some kind of circus freak,” went to the Piercing Pagoda in Colonie Center for her weekly puncturing, but was turned away by the store employees.

“There simply wasn’t any more skin available,” said worker Kristen Mulberry. “She asked me to ‘throw a few new rings somewhere,’ but I just couldn’t find any place for the piercing gun to operate properly. I had to turn her away. It was a safety issue.”

“This is complete bullshit,” Knob screamed as mall security forcibly escorted her away from the kiosk. “This is what happens when we let corporate America take over the mall; it tries to control our minds and bodies!”

Knob, who acknowledged her piercings and tattoos make her look like a character from a zombie apocalypse movie, said she was “freakin’ pissed” and “emotionally distraught” at the Piercing Pagoda’s decision, but added she hopes to find “some less reputable place” to get piercings in the future.

Knob said she has about 300 piercings on her face alone, covering her ears, nose, eye brows, eye lids, septum, bridge, labrum, philtrum, upper lip, lower lip, tongue, chin, cheeks, and dimples. She estimated she has another 80 to 100 piercings below her neck, ranging from sexual in nature to just plain gross.

Knob’s piercing obsession started innocently enough with pierced ears for her seventh birthday, but quickly grew “out of control,” primarily due to general suburban boredom, friends said.

“It can be tough growing up in a middle-upper class family, especially where both parents are present,” said Knob’s former high school guidance counselor, Michael Phelps. “She used to be a good kid, a smart kid. But something probably went slightly wrong in her social life, and for whatever reason she decided to take it out by mutilating her own body over and over again.”

“It’s a shame,” Phelps added. “But general suburban boredom really took its toll on this kid.”


RELATED ARTICLES

• Glenville running thin on ‘Sons of Anarchy’ T-shirts
• Trump Rally Results In Walmart Closures, Drop in Drunk-Disturbance Crimes
• Ravena Family Proudly Displays Fisher Price Toy Collection In Yard
• Area Hospitals Prepare for Deluge of Drunk Injured Rednecks
Hairdresser to Dannemora Seamstress: “Try volumizing.”