Menands Dad of Smart Son Charged With Harassing Parents of Dumber Kids

By Pug Ransom

Published September 18th, 2016

MENANDS — A Menands man whose 9-year-old son performed well on the latest state math assessment is in hot water with police for allegedly taunting other parents.

State Police said they charged 37-year-old Clem Testikov with second-degree harassment Friday after he spent several hours running through his neighborhood with his son’s test results and shoving them in the face of anyone whose children performed worse.

“I was eating dinner when I heard a knock,” said Caspar Stuhlmaker. “I walked to the door, opened it and all of a sudden, there was Clem shoving this paper in my face and telling me to ‘Suck it!’ Talk about nerve. Not only was he threatening, when I returned to my table I had to reheat my goddamn Hot Pocket.”

Klaus Fluoride, who lives across the street from Stuhlmaker, said he was subjected to equally disturbing behavior.

“I was backing out of my driveway, taking my son to his Pop Warner football practice when I hear this loud thud,” Flouride said. “I turn around, and there’s Clem laying across the hood of my car, screaming that my son is a ‘fucking idiot child.’”

Reached by phone, Testikov — whose son, Meballzah, is considered to be “highly proficient” according to his math test score — acknowledged he could have conducted himself in a more acceptable manner.

“I was just so jacked and my emotions got the best of me,” Testikov said. “I’m just so proud of Meballzah. He’s the first smart person in our family. The rest of us are nearly half retarded.”

Testikov was issued an appearance ticket and is due in Village Court Wednesday to answer the charge.

Meanwhile, Stiv Bators, Testikov’s neighbor, said he’s contemplating whether to file for a restraining order.

“He called our house 56 times Friday,” said Bators. “We finally stopped answering the phone. Go ahead and check out the voicemail: there’s 52 messages from Clem saying our son was going to be grow up to be Meballzah’s gardener. What a fucking lunatic.”


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