No One Wants to Steal Colonie Woman’s ‘Hillary Clinton For America’ Sign

By Leslie Carp

Published September 25th, 2016

COLONIE —A Colonie homeowner’s “Hillary Clinton For America” sign has not been stolen, defaced, or molested in six months.

Juliet Vaporwave, 34, owns a modest raised ranch home in a cul-de-sac off Sand Creek Road. Active in state and national politics, the policy analyst placed a bright  blue sign showing support for the Democratic presidential candidate in her front yard early this spring.

“I’m very pleasantly surprised that no one has spray painted male genitalia on it or shot holes through it,” said Vaporwave. 

Theft and vandalism of political signs has been rampant this election year. While a Smudge poll showed the majority of Capital Region voters prefer third party candidate “Giant Meteor 2016: Just End It Already,” tensions remain high between supporters of the two major parties.

In fact, a local business owner recently resorted to hiring a team of Russian snipers off of Agora — a legally gray “deep-web” market where users can purchase illegal drugs, fake passports and banned genres of pornography through a secure encrypted connection— to guard the “Trump: Make America Great Again” sign in his front yard.

Businessman Rocco Manicotti, who pays his 85-percent undocumented Syrian refugee workforce in Skittles instead of dollars, is on his fifteenth Trump sign. Unsuccessful previous efforts at protecting the First Amendment rights embodied in his sign’s display have included the purchase of a Fila Brasiliero guard dog from rapper DMX, and the erection of a brick wall with barbed wire and motion-sensor lights around the sign.

Nose Curly, who lives next door to Vaporwave in the quiet Colonie neighborhood, is relatively unfazed by the woman’s Hillary Clinton sign.

“She seems like a nice person, so I’m not going to rock the boat,” said Curly, who is heavily involved in the landscaping diligence — and negligence — of her neighbors. “All I care about is that she keeps pruning that pear tree.”


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