Rensselaer County Infant a 'Bundle of Hate'
By Quack Davis
Published September 25th, 2016
EAST NASSAU — A seven-month old baby in this rural village is quickly establishing himself as a heartless bigot.
Foul-mouthed infant Ian Ardvark launched into an racially tinged tirade rife with the “N-word” after another baby suggested to him that President Barack Obama deserved another four years in office.
"Are you out of your fucking Libtard mind?" Ardvark angrily yelled at 9-month-old baby Gus Scrodwich of Mechanicville as their moms spoke at a fruit stand in Schodack.
"Where were you when the brains were handed out, Gus? Probably on vacation with the other Libtards. You sheeple make me sick."
Ardvark, a staunch Donald Trump supporter born on Valentine's Day, was kicked out of daycare in August after he demanded several Africa-American babies in the program show him proof they were born in the Unifed States.
"Ian does not like carrots or spinach or black presidents or really anybody different from himself,"' said the boy's mother, Angela Ardvark. "I'm sure it will change over time. He's just a super kid."
Ardvark's truck-driver father, Linus, refused go comment about his racist son. The Albany Smudge, Linus said, practices "fake yellow journalism," adding he believes Obama is its editor and “the orchestrator of Armageddon.”
"This baby is a bundle of hate," said Rick Dees of the Southern Rensselaer County Poverty Law Center. "Ian is a monster. We have been tracking his movements for months."