Man Dies of Boredom After Two Days in Clifton Park
Published October 2nd, 2016
CLIFTON PARK— An autopsy conducted on a Miami businessman found dead in his Clifton Park hotel room last week has ruled the cause of death “acute, overexposure to a high level of tedium.”
The cadaver of 46-year-old Espertaco Cordero was discovered Thursday in the Howard Johnson's on Route 9 after several guests complained of a man “sighing loudly” and exclaiming, “There's nothing to do here!” from inside a second-floor business suite.
“The dude was dead as a doornail when I entered his room,” said night manager Dirk Wentzel. “It looked like he was pulling his hair out when he died. Very weird. But cool, too, since absolutely nothing exciting ever happens here — ever.”
After pocketing some loose change found on Cordero's nightstand and trying on a pair of his shoes, Wentzel said he called 911.
Saratoga County Sheriff Peter Shivers — who was staking out a local garden center “hoping to hell someone would try to break in so he could finally pull his gun and maybe shoot at them or something”— responded to the scene.
“My heart was beating like hell,” said Shivers. “I had never seen a dead guy up close. It was kind of spooky, but cool. I couldn't wait to tell my kids.”
The toxicology report found no drugs or alcohol present in Cordero's system. Investigators also ruled out suicide.
“He was in perfect health,” said Saratoga County Coroner William Doughy. “His heart was fine and there were no signs he suffered a stroke. He was just bored. We've seen it before with these out-of-towners. Clifton Park, on the whole, is a shock to their systems. They just can't handle the monotony.”
The Dade County man, described by friends and family as an “energetic person who was always on the go and would never be caught dead eating at a casual dining restaurant chain,” was in the Albany suburb on business.
“We warned him against booking that trip,” said longtime friend Julio Caesar-Chavez. “I've heard things about that place, man; bad things.”
“Espertaco was a great dancer and a wonderful lover,” said his wife, Lupe. “I will miss him dearly.”
Cordero's death marks the second time in six months boredom has claimed the life of someone staying in Clifton Park.
In April, a Las Vegas man who was in town visiting family, suffocated to death after yawning 800-times while shopping for Christmas ornaments at Wit's End Giftique in Parkwood Plaza.