Gwyneth Paltrow and Family Moving to Bethlehem

By Scott Salad

Published January 26th, 2016

Gwyneth Paltrow (Photo by MingleMediaTVNetwork)

BETHLEHEM — The Albany suburb aptly named for the birthplace of Jesus Christ is preparing to welcome a high-profile resident of its own.

Actress, singer, author and food critic Gwyneth Paltrow has “consciously uncoupled” with properties in New York, Paris, London and Los Angeles, and is now planning a fresh start in Bethlehem, she told the Smudge in a recent interview.

“I used to say that I'd rather smoke crack than live near Albany,” said the Iron Man 3 star. “Then I realized I actually have a great deal in common with the people of Bethlehem. Like my first bowl of gazpacho when I was 15 in Spain, the impression they made on me was a lasting one.”

The poster child for saying it like it is — regardless of how dumb and/or pretentious ‘it’ is —pointed to a number of factors that influenced the move, including: Bethlehem's growing disdain for people who don't know what gazpacho is, its college-student-to-state-Senate-intern ratio and the number of “naturally gifted children currently demonstrating exceptional levels of aptitude in one or more domains.”

“Moses and Apple should fit right in,” said Paltrow in her faux-British accent. “Mind you, I'm just a regular mum who’s terrible at maths. I couldn't even do Apple's maths when she was in year four. I'm simply hopeless.”

Paltrow's nine-bedroom, 16-bath cottage on Olde Mill Road has its own library, gym, spa and steam room, along with a fully stocked wine cellar and boathouse — even though it currently is not set on, or near, water.

“It's a pretty normal house. But then again, I'm a pretty normal girl who often dreams of Salad Nicoise on a cold winter’s day.”

Last spring, the soon-to-be neighbors of the Academy Award-winning actress were in the news for organizing the mass shunning of a local family after it disobeyed a neighborhood association rule against encouraging ice cream trucks. Paltrow — who said she'd “rather die” than let her children eat anything from a truck — said her family “will have no problem following the rules, even though the rules usually don't apply to us.”

“My children are more into fresh fruit and raw nuts anyway... though I do let them enjoy the obligatory bag of Cheetos while on holiday and their ‘Coke of the Week.’ It's all about balance, you know?”

If Harvey Weinstein lets the Paltrows use the Miramax jet, the family plans to move into their new home in early November.


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