WikiLeaks Releases Wynantskill Man's Emails
Published November 13th, 2016
Wynantskill-native Gary Tuna reacts to the WikiLeaks posting of his personal emails.
WYNANTSKILL — Though it may not be the “November Surprise” voters expected, a Rennselaer County man is in shock today after learning WikiLeaks published several thousand of his personal emails.
Gary Tuna, 43, of Plarpe Road in Wynantskill said he had no idea why he's been targeted by the controversial organization.
“I just don't get it,” the married father of three told the Smudge. “I'm a quiet family man who follows all the rules. Why the heck did they hack my Gmail account?”
The contents of the email dump — consisting mainly of electronic Dick's receipts, Red Lobster Reward Club info, LinkedIn updates, Exit 9 Wine and Liquor Warehouse newsletters, and hundreds of advertisements for products ranging from erectile dysfunction and testosterone-boosting supplements to top-rated fat burners and non-surgical hair replacements — have many wondering the same thing.
“WikiLeaks failed to deliver,” said Political Analyst Frank Corn. “We were promised classified Hillary Clinton media in the lead up to the election. Instead, we get emails written by a working-class bore from an obscure corner of the Capital Region. Who the hell is Gary Tuna anyway?”
Described as a “wet blanket” by some, and a “one-dimensional flat liner” by others, Tuna was in the news earlier this year after President-Elect Donald Trump called him a jerk while campaigning in New Hampshire.
“I still don't know why Trump thinks I'm a jerk, and now I have absolutely no idea why WikiLeaks posted my emails. I'm really freaked out.”
WikiLeaks Founder Julian Assange had no comment on the leak, but was spotted in the window of his room in the Ecuadorian Embassy in London wearing a “Fuck U Gary Tuna” T-shirt.