Chubby Old Rensselaer Woman Claims She’s Not Dead Comedian

By Kermit Mustafa

Published December 11th, 2016

Beverly Trumpet resting at her home in Rensselaer.

RENSSELAER — Beverly Trumpet has something she wants made clear: She is not Buddy Hackett.

The stumpy, tripled-chinned 68-year-old grandmother with Coke-bottle glasses from Rensselaer has been hounded for several months by paparazzi, which mistakenly believe they are shooting the famed rubber-faced Catskill comic and Hollywood legend.

“Goddamn Buddy Hackett has been dead for 13 years,” said Trumpet. “I’m not him! Sure, I let myself go a bit over time. But I have a vagina, goddamn it. And, I’m not dead!”

Trumpet first realized there was a problem back in September when she was watching TMZ and saw a photo of herself limping into the Yarn Barn on Route 9 & 20 in East Greenbush.

“Next thing I know, there’s a bunch of hipster-doofuses on my television, sitting around a newsroom saying Buddy Hackett is actually alive and hiding out in the Capital Region,” Trumpet recalled. “I said, ‘That’s not Buddy Hackett! That’s me!’”

The hubbub surrounding the TMZ story triggered an onslaught of paparazzi to Rensselaer, which ever since have been camping outside Trumpet’s home and shadowing her every move.

As a result, interest in movies in which Buddy Hackett starred has skyrocketed. American Movie Classics even ran a Buddy Hackett film marathon over the Thanksgiving weekend, airing It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World; The Love Bug; The Wonderful World of the Brothers Grimm and Muscle Beach Party for 72 hours straight.

“Buddy Hackett was a national treasure, and now thanks to Beverly Trumpet of Rensselaer, a whole new generation of Americans are being introduced to this comic icon,” said Humphrey Geronimo, a professor of Film Science at Skidmore College.

Though Trumpet said she feels harassed, her son, Demarcus, said his mother should “just roll with it and cash in.”

“Mom’s always been a boring dolt,” said Demarcus. “She’s fat and lazy, and lays around the house all day sucking on hard candy and watching her ‘stories.’ Finally some excitement comes her way and she’s bitching about it. If I were her, I’d start making appearances as Buddy Hackett and get my ass paid. This is the break we’ve been waiting for.”


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