Saratoga Hubby in Doghouse For Not Buying Wife Mercedes For Xmas

By Scott Salad

Published December 25th, 2016

From Joy Rudyard's Facebook page.

SARATOGA SPRINGS — Christmas Eve was anything but merry for a Spa City man after he substituted his wife's usual luxury-car upgrade for a diamond necklace and vacation to Turks and Caicos.

Rudyard Loot of Gentle Gelding Way said his wife Joy “lost her shit” when she realized she would not be driving around town in a new turbo-charged Mercedes Benz S-Class sedan this year.

“The Benz upgrade was beginning to feel obligatory,” said the 37-year-old investment banker. “So I decided to switch things up. Big mistake.”

Loot said he knew things were going to get messy the moment his 34-year-old stay-at-home wife threw the jewelry and plane tickets aside — which had a combined value of over $30,000 — and ran to the bedroom to put her riding pants on.

“Joy's obsessed with those Mercedes Year End Sales Event commercials,” said Loot. "You know the one where the husband in the scarf and pea coat leads his wife in the camel-toe-enhancing riding pants outside to a Benz with a giant bow on it? The woman hugs him, they go back inside, and then you, the consumer, are left wondering just how much pussy that guy's going to get for the next year? Well, normally that's us!”

After throwing her iPhone at Rudyard's head, Joy slashed the tires on his Land Rover and destroyed several pieces of shrubbery lining the couple's elaborate stone walkway, according to neighbor Guinevere Pantsuit.

“I saw her pull a 6-foot Blue Spruce out of the ground by its roots and then throw it through her dining room window,” said Pantsuit. “I wouldn't want to be on her bad side.”

The couple eventually went back inside, where, according to Loot, “Joy broke some dishes, lit some bedding on fire and then cried in the shower for pretty much the entire night.”

“We missed dinner at my parents,” said Loot. “But I guess I deserved that.”

Joy still looked glassy-eyed and dazed on Christmas morning when she agreed to talk with The Smudge

“I'm a strong, powerful woman,” she said. “But I'm also sleek, lithe and decidedly athletic. I slip through the wind with quiet ease, yet I stand out in a crowd. In fact, I stand above it.”

“Yeah, that's from the S-Class page on the Mercedes website,” Rudyard Loot said after Joy left the room to break some more dishes. “Know any good shrinks?”


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