Local Xmas Crusader Declares War on Chanukah

By Leslie Carp

Published December 25th, 2016

NEW SCOTLAND — An Albany County woman and loyal Bill O’Reilly fan has declared war on Chanukah, the Jewish festival of lights, convinced its start this year at sundown on Christmas Eve is part of some elaborate conspiracy against Christians.

Fanny Wideberth’s fervent year-round love for Christmas and the limitless joy it brings is widely known on social media, where starting every Dec. 26, she launches a “countdown to Christmas” with daily Facebook posts that last throughout the full calendar year.

But Wideberth’s coworkers at the New York State Department of Tax and Finance said her excitement was especially intense this year as her Christmas cookies began showing up extra early — around Memorial Day, as opposed to the usual Fourth of July.

“This year’s been the worst yet,” said Simon Rosenkrantz, Wideberth’s manager. “She’s always bought into the whole Fox News War-on-Christmas coverage, but this year Fanny’s been particularly aggressive. She started begging us all to boycott Chanukah since Valentine’s Day, and the gloves have really come off since the election.”

The 61-year-old Wideberth insists her crusade against Dreidels is motivated only by a desire to preserve “traditional American values.”

“All this political correctness is taking away from the real meaning of Christmas,” said Wideberth, whose car is completely covered with Christmas-centric bumper stickers with messages such as: We Say Merry Christmas… If This Offends You, GET OVER IT! and Silly Liberals…It’s MERRY CHRISTMAS, Not Happy Holidays!

When reminded her boss is Jewish, she skirted gracefully around the topic.

“I don’t see color. But let’s be clear: we Christmas-celebrating folk have already made a ton of sacrifices to appease, you know, the gays and the Chinese.”

Billy Ching, owner of the “Tasty Dumpling Teepee” in Voorheesville, is an unexpected ally in Wideberth’s cause.

“I can’t afford to lose all my Christmas business,” he said fearfully. “The Hebrew calendar is old and outdated. Why can’t they reschedule Chanukah?”


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