Saugerties Man Flogged After Vocalizing Dislike For Jimmy Fallon
Published January 1st, 2017
Photo by David Shankbone
SAUGERTIES — A local man was beaten senseless by an angry mob Saturday night after making derogatory comments about hometown hero and Tonight Show host Jimmy Fallon.
Stewart Moinstral, 41, is recovering at Albany Medical Center after suffering a broken jaw, a dislocated shoulder and two hyperextended knees in a violent melee that erupted during the town's First Night celebration.
“We think a group of upstanding townsfolk overheard Mr. Moinstral trash-talking our little Jimmy,” said Sgt. Bo Deedle of the Saugerties Police Department. “A completely justified beat-down ensued.”
No arrests have been made in connection with the melee, angering Moinstral, who believes his attackers are well-known “geezers” who belong to a local church group.
“Justified? Upstanding townsfolk?” the septic tank specialist scribbled on a piece of hospital stationary. “I was viciously attacked by a pack of crazed senior citizens.”
Shirley Moinstral confirmed her husband's account, claiming the altercation began shortly after Stewart called the former Saturday Night Live standout and College of St. Rose graduate “lame” and “totally not funny” while the two casually strolled down Main Street, sipping hot chocolate.
“Stewart was telling me how it's annoying that Jimmy Fallon is always cracking himself up and how he obviously has a bromance going with Justin Timberlake, when all of the sudden a group of elderly women pounced on him out of nowhere. It was scary,” Shirley told The Smudge.
Maude Hilderberger, whose St. Helga's Church group is at the center of the allegations, denied involvement.
“Though we love our little Jimmy, we would never, in a million years, beat a no-good low-life like Stewart Moinstral within an inch of his stinking life,” said Hilderberger.
“Little Jimmy's important to this community,” added 92-year-old Gertrude Wallabee. “Whoever dolled out that beating deserves a parade. If only we knew who it was.”
Father Thomas Middleditch of St. Helga's — who was busy assembling a sign in front of his church that read, “Watch your back Moinstral. You mess with Jimmy, you mess with Saugerties” — declined comment.