State Worker's 'No Pooping At Work' Streak Comes To An End

By Scott Salad

Published January 8th, 2017

State workers in the Department of Financial Services in Menands erupt after hearing that one of
their own finally went No. 2 at work.

MENANDS — A beloved state worker's run of 40 consecutive years without evacuating his bowels at work came to an end Thursday after he suffered severe diarrhea in wake of a late lunch of leftover Chinese food.

Brian Thud, 59, of the Department of Financial Services, confirmed the unexpected intestinal episode in a mass email sent to co-workers.

“It is with deep regret that I inform you all that my streak of not shitting at work ended yesterday afternoon in the bathroom adjacent to the third floor break room,” Thud wrote. “Congratulations to the lucky person who won the office pool. You owe a debt of gratitude to a pint of three-day-old Ta Chien Chicken, my friend.”

After receiving the email, the office reportedly erupted into a frenzy as people clamored to see who won the elusive lottery.

“We started the ‘Will Brian Thud Ever Poop at Work Pool’ in 1982,” said pool manager Glen Plummet. “Every year since then, 15 to 20 participants a year kicked in $50 in exchange for a 2-to-3 week block of workdays. If Brian took a shit at work within their window of time, they'd win the whole shebang. But for 35 years he didn't, so the pot grew to nearly $30,000. I can't believe it finally paid out.”

While the winner's name has not been released for security reasons, sources said the person — who planned to put the money toward their children's college fund until they heard Gov. Cuomo's proposal to provide free tuition to students whose parents make less than $125,000 a year— has since booked a three week-long bender in Las Vegas.

Thud, meanwhile, said he's relieved the streak is over.

“The idea of shitting at work always repulsed me,” he said. “So when the urge came over me, I would either hold it for hours or race home on a break since I only live 5 minutes away. But now that I've done it, and can say, unequivocally, that it was rather nice, I'll probably do it again.”

Co-worker Ted Soupy said he's still shocked by Thud's accomplishment.

“Coming from someone who has taken at least two office shits every day for 30-plus years, I'm not sure how or why he held out for as long as he did,” Soupy said. “I think I speak for the majority of state workers when I say that it's during those moments that we're at our most productive.”


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