Scientists: Ice Age Still Exists in Parts of Columbia County

By Fred Furnace

Published January 15th, 2017

A Chatham woman takes a dip in her pool on July 4th, 2016.

KINDERHOOK — SUNY's top science wizards made international news last week by claiming the northern Columbia County towns of Kinderhook, Hudson, and Valatie may all still be stuck in the Pleistocene epoch – commonly known as the “Ice Age.”

Mortimer Snow, lead geologist for SUNY's ‘What’s Up with Columbia County?’ task force, said his team reached its conclusion after studying the area's geology, weather, population and social patterns during the past two decades. 

"The scientific evidence we have gathered thus far is very strong, and the anecdotal evidence is overwhelming,” he said. “Things are clearly messed up in Columbia County.”

Snow said rock strata samples taken from those towns “display a pattern showing a lack of geological evolution,” and an analysis of historical weather patterns indicates that “it’s always snowing and usually cold as shit” in those areas.

Snow noted, for instance, that Ichabod Crane Central Schools have not been open to students since 1959 due to constant inclement weather — even in the spring and fall.

Snow’s team also evaluated biological and psychological data from residents of northern Columbia County and found “a disturbing lack of mental, physical, and social evolution one would expect to find from humans living in modern times.”

If the SUNY research is verified, Columbia County would be the only place on Earth still stuck in the Ice Age.

“Even shitholes like Utica and Amsterdam have evolved to, at least, the Stone Age,” Snow said. “These findings are unprecedented in the scientific community. What’s going on down there is simply not normal.”

Gov. Andrew Cuomo called the SUNY research “interesting” and “ground-breaking,” but added he was not all that surprised by the findings.

“I mean, when,” asked the governor, “is the last time you met a normal person from Hudson or Kinderhook?”


RELATED ARTICLES

• Icabod Crane Schools Celebrate 10,000th Snow Day
• Large Rural County Discovered West of Albany
• WNYT Adds 39th Meteorologist To News Team
‘Old Man Winter’ To Speak At Albany Conference
• Thousands of Capital Region Residents Mistakenly Discover Hockey Exists in Albany