Schenectady Prostitute Stalker Upset by Lack of News Coverage

By Quack Davis

Published January 15th, 2017

SCHENECTADY —When it comes to seeking attention, Barry Jarnicle — who’s been convicted of stalking seven prostitutes here — is the world’s biggest media whore.

And, he knows it.

“OK, OK. I plead guilty,” the affable Jarnicle told The Albany Smudge. “I need attention”

When Jarnicle was ordered not to come within 1,000 feet of any prostitute in Schenectady County, the 47-year-old creep was admittedly glum. But, what really got his goat was the press coverage his case received — or the lack thereof.

"How does my crime spree not make the front page or evening news?" asked Jarnicle. "I'm more newsworthy as any criminal out there. If I can play editor for a second, I'd suggest you do a feature on me."

Jarnicle’s media-obsession was evident at his sentencing last month. When visiting Judge Evan Bairchest asked Jarnicle what he had to say for himself, the convicted stalker asked the judge if he could wait until a reporter was in the courtroom to speak.

"The New York Post should be here any second, your honor," Jarnicle said.  "I know they love a goofy guy like me. If you can just wait a second."

But an hour later, after no one from the tabloid newspaper arrived, the judge told Jarnicle he was one of the biggest jerks he'd ever come across.

"I was looking forward to seeing what kind of sleazy scribe would show," the judge said. "But now we know. Not even the Post considers you news. Serves you right, Jarnicle."

"I'm a career criminal, your honor, and this was the signature crime," Jarnicle retorted, a tear in his eye. "I can't get on Channel 13, News10 or even Perp Patrol on Channel 6. Nobody really watches YNN and the Times Union put stories about me behind the TU Plus pay-wall, so nobody will read it. Now the Post won't even have me. Shucks…"

Jarnicle's lawyer, Stirp Corkscrew, told the judge his client should be treated leniently because his lack of newsworthiness shows the community at large couldn't care less about him.

"Barry Jarnicle is not news, so his sentencing will send a message to nobody because nobody cares," he said.

After careful consideration, the judge told Jarnicle he found his case “not the least bit interesting.”

"You bore me,"' the judge said.  "However, you also frighten me. So, there's that."


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