Three Days Into Trump Presidency, Schodack Man Convinced America’s Already 'Great Again'
Published January 29th, 2017
SCHODACK — Less than a week after the inauguration of our 45th president, a Rensselaer County man is claiming Donald Trump's promise to “Make America Great Again” has already been fulfilled.
Bertram Cronut, 47, of Schodack pointed to several examples of America's sudden return to greatness, including Upstate New York's unseasonably warm January weather, the start of Red Lobster's annual Big Festival of Shrimp, Mel Gibson's comeback, and, of course, the much-anticipated unveiling of Beretta's new Tactical Bolt Gun, the Tikka T3X TAC A1.
“America is already great again!” the self-proclaimed ‘forgotten white man’ confirmed. “Can't you feel it in the air?”
Cronut also pointed to a slogan he read on a bearded man's sweatshirt while he was buying Bud Light at a local Hannaford over the weekend.
“It said, 'Put the White back in the White House!'” said Cronut. “Isn't that somethin'? You know, before Trump got elected, a white man wouldn't have felt safe wearing a shirt like that around in public. Not anymore. ‘Times they are a changing.' Isn't that what that hippie dippy song says?”
Cronut's wife, Tina, meanwhile, said she does not endorse her husband's views.
“He's wrong,” said the 48-year-old chain-smoking hairdresser. “We're still teaching diversity in schools by encouraging our children to celebrate their social and cultural differences. No, America is not yet great again.”
In his first news conference as White House press secretary, Sean Spicer agreed, acknowledging the Schodack man's claim as “pure nonsense.”
“Believe me,” said Spicer. “President Trump will be the first to tell you when he's officially made America great again. Until then, he wants everybody to just hang tight.”