‘Brangelina’ Spent Valentine’s Day in Cohoes

By Cecily Bapp

Published February 19th, 2016

COHOES — Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie — the international globetrotting celebrity couple known for physical perfection and amassing a diverse family drawn from three continents — spent a quiet but unsatisfying Valentine’s together last week at the Comfort Inn Latham in Cohoes, the Smudge has learned.

The famous twosome — who despite accusations, orders of protections and attorney bills; all of which will culminate in divorce court — reportedly wanted to spend their final Valentine’s Day together somewhere they “could make an impact.”

And so Cohoes — the former mill town, former canal site, former industrial center and current empty landscape of failure and despair — struck the power couple as the perfect place to play out the last sad chapter of their love life.

“Me and Ang — I mean ‘Saint Angie’ — didn’t exactly plan this out,” Pitt said. “Just like the rest of our relationship, you know, we just went with our gut. But this depth of ennui moved us tremendously, as artists and as humanitarians.”

The phenomenally good-looking couple checked in to their motel about 5:00 p.m., sources said. Brad reportedly filled a plastic ice bucket at 5:15, and at 6:00 p.m., an inquiry was made to the front desk regarding a lack of heat in the room, as well as a request for more “damn towels” and some menus for local Thai restaurants that deliver.

“All I could offer them was a space heater and a roll of paper towels, but they didn’t complain or nothing,’” said Brad Bolger, front desk manager. “They were completely down to earth. Brad even offered me some weed.”


RELATED ARTICLES

• From Plumbers to Single Moms, Capital District Stunned by ‘Brangelina’ Breakup
• Wayward Johnny Manziel Spotted in Cohoes Bar
• Hillary’s Message to Cohoes: ‘Bill Was Once a Hick from a Podunk Town, Too’
• Cohoes Swallowed By Category-5 Pot Hole
• Cohoes Mastodon Believed to Be Gay