Schaghticoke man says he would ‘do’ Kellyanne Conway

By Quack Davis

Published February 19th, 2016

TROY — Flip Mellencamp loves President Trump, but he lusts for The Donald’s counselor, Kellyanne Conway.

“She’s one sweet-looking cherry!” Mellencamp, 58, told the Smudge.  “I’d definitely do her. Yes, sir, I would.”

Mellencamp, an unemployed fruit stand assistant who’s divorced, said he became “very aroused” the first time his eyes feasted on the 50-year-old Conway — a blonde bombshell and the pride of Atco, N.J., which is just a stone’s throw from the wretched city of Camden.

Mellencamp explained he was turned on by Conway’s intelligence, breasts and her experience with blueberries — a fruit which she gained in-depth knowledge of while spending summers during her youth working on a blueberry farm in nearby Hammonton.

“The faster you went, the more money you'd make,” Conway said, according to Wikipedia.

Conway was just 16 when she captured the crown of New Jersey Blueberry Princess. Then, at age 20, Conway won the World Champion Blueberry Packing competition.

"Everything I learned about life and business started on that farm,” Conway has reportedly said.

Mellencamp said he loves blueberries and fornication, and suspects if he was to meet Conway, the two could talk about their mutual respect for Trump over blueberry pie.

He said he purchased Conway’s book — What Women Really Want: How American Women Are Quietly Erasing Political, Racial, Class, and Religious Lines to Change the Way We Live —but was upset it contained no pictures of Conway posing naked with blueberries.

“I guess what I’m trying to say is I’m real horny and I’d do her if she was to give me that honor,” Mellencamp said.

Told of Mellencamp’s comments, Conway accused the Smudge of reporting “non-alternative facts” about blueberries, adding that as a married woman with four children she would take out a restraining order against Mellencamp.

She also said she was flattered, and she encouraged Mellencamp to follow her and the president on Twitter.


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