Cuomo Moves to Deport Trump

by Cecily Bapp

Published February 26th, 2017

ALBANY — “Turn-about is fair play and New York is a solidly Democratic state. Also, fuck you.”

With those words, Gov. Andrew Cuomo put in motion his plan to deport President Donald Trump — who earlier this month announced his own intentions to deport the governor “to another land” as part of his promise to make America great again.

Cuomo’s plan is indeed ambitious: it aims to set aside both federal and state law, giving him the sole authority to deport the president of the United States. And though the governor accedes to possible “sticking points,” he remains steadfast in his vow that Donald Trump not be allowed to enter the borders of New York state.

“If he chooses to return to his digs in New York City, Andy is prepared to deport him,” a Capitol source told the Smudge.

Cuomo has set up a border patrol along the entire perimeter of the state, and has ordered the Coast Guard to monitor New York ports and waterways, as well as the beaches of Long Island. Should Trump slip through the extensive dragnet, standing orders are in place to take him into custody and deport him immediately.

Finally, if Trump tries to make a run for his New York apartment, the Cuomo administration has initiated a plan to intervene and detain the leader of the free world, and to transport him immediately via helicopter to just outside international waters where he will be deposited on one of his lavish yachts.

“That’ll show him. Two can play at that game,” said Cuomo. “If he deports New York’s illegal immigrants, I’ll deport him. The great state of New York has a tradition of standing for what’s right. And damn it, it’s just not right that he gets to be president while I can only be governor.”


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