Despite Calls to Return Home, Faso Having Too Much Fun in D.C.

By Kermit Mustafa

Published February 26th, 2017

Republican Congressman John Faso in a heated exchange with a constituent at the Ulster County
Chamber of Commerce meeting. (Photo by Klkl3000)

KINDERHOOK — Republican John Faso’s constituents are boiling mad over the first-term congressman’s apparent refusal to meet with them in a town-hall setting to hear concerns about the Trump agenda.

Yet, despite claims by some that he’s a “coward,” it appears Faso’s decision has less to do with fear and more to do with  fun — or, the lack thereof.

“Columbia County is fucking boring,” a source close to the Kinderhook pol told the Smudge. “Let me ask you: Would you rather hang out in D.C. or fucking Valatie?”

Rumpus Beltrone, a Chatham resident who supported Faso’s opponent Zephyr Teachout in the 2016 election, said the congressman owes it to his constituents to meet face-to-face, just as other Congressional Republicans are doing across the nation.

“I don’t give a rat’s ass if John is enjoying himself in Washington,” said Beltrone. “We have some very serious concerns about the repeal of Obamacare, Trump’s relationship with Russia and what’s happening at EPA. He needs to get his ass back home.”

But the Faso source  said voters in the 19th Congressional District shouldn’t hold their breath.

“Ever since John left the Assembly in 2002, he’s been dying to get the fuck out of Columbia County. And really, who could blame him? There’s only so many times you can play ‘Count the Roadkill’ in Buckleyville.”

Indeed, since leaving the state Assembly 15 years ago, Faso has made repeated runs at elective office beyond Columbia County.

In 2002, he was defeated in a bid for state Comptroller by Democrat Alan Hevesi — who later ended up in prison on corruption charges. Then in 2006, Faso ran for governor only to be crushed by Eliot Spitzer — who later was forced from office for fucking a hooker. And in 2009, Faso made his first stab at Congress, but eventually withdrew from the race when it became clear he did not have enough GOP support for the nomination.

“John is finally out of Hicksville and he’s having a blast,” said a source. “He’s hitting all the five-star restaurants in D.C., hanging out in Georgetown when he can, attending the theater, philharmonic and pro sporting events. And sometimes he even goes slumming around U Street, where he catches punk shows at the Black Cat,” said the source. “Meanwhile, what passes for culture in Columbia County is buying crack down in Hudson. Yeah, fuck that.”


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