Troy Sinkhole Haunted By Ghost of Dead Meteorologist Glen Dimple
Published March 5th, 2017
TROY— Collar City Mayor Patrick Madden is being urged to hire an exorcist after a homeless man living inside one of the city's various sinkholes reported seeing the ghostly apparition of a recently deceased local weatherman.
The spooky incident took place last week after a vagabond named Brian Clams claimed the sinkhole he was “crashing in” was haunted by Glen Dimple, the former WRGB and WNYT meteorologist who died two weeks ago.
“I was eating my Popeye's right over there,” said Clams, pointing to a pile of rubble approximately 14 feet below Hoosick Street. “And suddenly, I felt the air turn cold. That's when that dead weather guy appeared and told me that I better put on a jacket because temperatures would be dropping into the mid- to lower- 20’s, ahead of a fast-moving clipper system that was likely to bring a round of light snow to the area around midnight. I was scared shitless!”
Dimple — who came to the Capital Region in early January — worked for both the ABC and CBS local affiliates before being terminated in early February for making fart sounds while reporting on a system of breezy weather. He was then charged the following week by Troy police with petit larceny, resisting arrest and possession of a meth pipe after trying to steal a Berkshire Smoked Ham from the Food Carnival in Lansingburgh.
Many, including Smudge Editor Burt Wilkersonn, thought that Dimple's meteoric rise and fall had concluded when his remains, ultimately, were discovered in the Hoosick Street sinkhole.
“We really believed Glen's storyline had been fully fleshed out,” said Wilkersonn. “Then his spectral form shows up and now the mayor's involved. This guy just won't go away.”
Madden — whose office has been dealing with the presence of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse since they emerged from a sinkhole on Campbell Avenue last year — said the city is in no position to commission ghost hunters to investigate the sighting.
“How can I justify hiring a medium when our city's infrastructure is crumbling all around us?” he said. “If the dead choose to haunt our sinkholes then there's nothing I can do about it.”
Madden said the same goes for “Collars,” the Loch Ness Monster-like sea serpent locals claim swims along Fourth Street whenever there's a major water main break.