Drunk Man to Local Women: ‘Kiss Me, I’m One-Sixteenth Irish’

By Leslie Carp

Published March 12th, 2017

Hector Ramirez of Schenectady pregames for St. Patty's Week in the tub.

ALBANY — A Schenectady man will be playing up his Irish heritage to win over the ladies this St. Patrick’s Day.

Hector Ramirez, 29, will be sporting this entire week an emerald green “Kiss Me, I’m Irish” t-shirt, which he began wearing Saturday at the Albany St. Patrick’s Day Parade.

The perpetually tipsy legislative aide has traced his ancestry back several generations to his great-grandfather, who was a potato farmer near Cork.

“Hector looks like a suave Puerto Rican dude, but he has this Irish accent he puts on when he’s trying to impress people,” remarked Guido Snook, a legislative intern at the Capitol. “All the female Assembly interns call him ‘Leprechaun.’”

Ramirez, who is banned for life from several pubs in Dublin for trying to order Irish Car Bombs, sports several Ireland-themed tattoos, including the Lucky Charms mascot.

The Smudge stealthily followed Ramirez around town for a couple days and nights, observing his every move before finally confronting him at Crossgates Mall on Saturday afternoon.

“This time of year, I’m absolutely irresistible to females,” the confident 6.25-percent Irishman slurred, his pinstriped fedora tilted noticeably to the side. “No woman can turn down a charming Irishman, especially during St. Patrick’s week!”

Local “females,” however, seem to have an easy time resisting his lucky charms.

“That creepy Puerto Rican guy with the fake Irish accent? I know that guy! He asked me — and all my friends — to kiss his Blarney stone,” said Pam Paws, a UAlbany freshman who encountered a highly intoxicated Ramirez at Saturday’s parade. “I would have called the cops or hit him, but he was so drunk we figured he couldn’t actually hurt anyone.”

After pouring a 50-mL nip of Tullamore Dew into a plastic shamrock necklace, Ramirez offered it to a girl no older than 16, asking “Erin Go Braless?” with a cheeky grin.

The girl, who was with her father, screamed and retreated. Ramirez was then escorted off the premises by mall security.

“Come on, lass!” he shouted after her. “Don’t you want to get lucky with a real Irish man?”


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