Menands to Hang Giant Air Fresheners in Effort to Mask Smell
By Fred Furnace
Published March 19th, 2017
One proposal (seen here in an artist's representation) would place a 60-foot tall pine scented air
freshener around Nipper the RCA dog's neck.
COLONIE— The Village of Menands — which emanates an odor best described as a mix of flatulence and scrambled eggs —will soon begin using industrial-sized air fresheners to help cover its stench.
Widely known as the most smelly place in the Capital Region, the community of nearly 4,000 residents will hang giant "green tree” deodorizers, similar to the type found dangling in automobiles owned by old people and criminals.
“We’ve been trying to figure out the cause of our smell for years, but so far we have no real answers” said Village Board member Anna Fanna. “Our community smells like a fart, and we still don’t really know why.”
Fanna says the village has spent “millions of dollars” in recent years trying to pinpoint the source of the smell. Some believe the stink emanates from abandoned steel mills, while others blame the nearby sewage treatment plants. Still, others believe it is simply “the people” coupled with the village’s close proximity to Troy.
“Since we can’t pinpoint the cause of our smell,” Fanna said, “we have decided to invest in a shitload of air fresheners in hopes of covering it up. We need to do something."
The giant green tree air fresheners — approximately 20-times the size of the version sold for automobiles — will be hung at various locations around the village, including on lamp posts, traffic lights, and “welcome” signs.
Though the air fresheners will need to be replaced every 45 days for optimum effectiveness and cost taxpayers approximately $65,000 annually, village officials say the cost is worth it.
“This plan is a lot cheaper than performing actual environmental remediation,” said Village Board member Joshua Trundel. “If these green tree air fresheners can help make our town just a little less stinky, this will be money well spent.”
“Worst case scenario,” he added, “is we go from a town that smells like a fart to a town that smells like a mixture of fart and freshly cut pine trees. That would be a major improvement in my book.”