Date Set for Annual Shitty Driver Cup Series Competition

By Cecily Bapp

Published March 19th, 2017

ALBANY — Gentlemen, start your engines! (And don’t forget to put it in ‘Drive’ … that would be the letter ‘D.’)

This year’s Shitty Driver Cup Competition —a beloved Capital Region tradition — will kick off April 1, event organizers announced Saturday.

“There is plenty of competition for this year’s title,” said Brad Malarkey, spokesman for Albany Mayor Kathy Sheehan. “And as in any driving competition, the unsung heroes are the members of the pit crew. Crack teams from throughout the region are now assembling.”

Malarkey, who clued in a breathless crowd on event details during a press conference at City Hall, said this year’s competition will feature time-honored crowd favorites, including: tailgating, failing to signal, and maintaining 45 mph or less in the passing lane. There will also be some newer, cutting-edge trials introduced, Malarkey added, such as parallel parking, double-parking, and a special series of “twilight” driving challenges, open only to seniors.

The winner will be determined by a point system, accumulated in three stages of competition: illegal passing, impeding traffic (including failure to yield) and general safety violations. Bonus points will be awarded if a vehicle breaks down during the competition, and fails to pull over.

Dusty Dangler, crew chief for Team Chevy Sux, said he’s “more than psyched” for this year’s event, which will stretch from Albany to Northumberland.

“Hell yeah. We’re ready. We got two entries this year: an ’89 Honda Accord DX Hatchback and a ’98 4-Runner. Neither one has a muffler, and each has more than 300,000 miles.”

Dangler then took a moment to spit and reload his chew before continuing:

“Drivers are the heart and soul of driving, fer sure. But they would be nowhere without the right POS - rusty, unreliable, and unable to keep up with traffic. God willin’ the tires will blow before the finish line. Because if you’re not losin’, you’re not winnin’.”


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