Cohoes Not Among Top 10 Hot Cities in U.S. For Millennials

By Quack Davis

Published March 26th, 2017

COHOES — Just call it the land of Nil-lennials.

A new study by the website realtor.com — which used page views as a metric to track where Americans between the ages of 28 and 34 call home — shows the Spindle City is no Mecca for millennials.

“It’s clear that Cohoes is not a destination city for young people, “ said Jenny Batwinner, a state economic researcher who analyzed the realtor.com study at the request of the Smudge. “Cohoes didn’t make the Top 10.  Cohoes, in fact, didn’t come close. It showed very poorly.”

Batwinner said millennials are attracted to things such as specialty cocktail bars, biergartens and craft coffee houses.

“Cohoes offers none of those things... not unless you count specialty bars on windows, men and women with beer bellies and craft crack houses," Batwinner said.

Asked about the study, Cohoes Mayor Sean Moose said he did not know what the word millennial meant.

“If you're trying to besmirch Melania, the first lady, you came to the wrong city fella," the mayor told a Smudge reporter.

Albany – where millennials account for 12.7 percent of the population, ranked 8th nationwide in the study right behind fellow upstate city Buffalo, which attracts a “large cross-section of mentally ill millennials, angry millennials and millennials with abnormally large heads,” the study found.

The top spots were (1) Salt Lake City; (2) Miami; (3) Orlando; (4) Seattle; (5) Houston; (6) Los Angeles; (9) San Francisco and (10) San Jose.

Several millennials said they believe the poll lacks credibility because Albany and Buffalo were rated ahead of San Francisco. But, they said, they were hardly surprised Cohoes did not make the list.

“As a member of Generation Y, I just think we ‘represent.’ Ya know?” said 27-year-old hipster Braden Sneffer. “And, like, Cohoes, just doesn’t, bro. It’s full of haters.”


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