Colonie’s First-Ever Bong Recycling Day Promises To Be Huge Hit

By Kermit Mustafa

Published March 26th, 2017

Capital Region burnouts prepare for Colonie's first-ever town-wide Bong Recycling Day.

COLONIE — Inspired by the success of similar past environmental events that it’s hosted involving hazardous waste and home electronics, Colonie next month will hold its first-ever Bong Recycling Day.

“I think we recognized that if we are going to encourage people to be green then we need to go green, if you know what I mean,” said Town Supervisor Cricket Johnson. “So, when the idea was brought to the Town Board, I just said, ‘Fo shizzle, my nizzle!’ You know what I’m saying?”

Each April, residents flock en masse to the Taft Furniture parking lot off Central Avenue to dispose of their old computers, televisions and other gadgets during the annual town-wide Electronics Recycling Day — an event that has grown into one of the most eagerly anticipated days of the year in Colonie.

Johnson said she believes Bong Recycling Day will become just as popular, and if the reaction of local weed enthusiasts is any indication, the supervisor may be right.

“Aw, man, I’m totally stoked,” said Skeeter Crouch, a guacamole scooper at Chipotle. “My bong now really stinks, man, so I started using my mom’s douche to make it smell fresh. It didn’t work though. The fucking chamber smells like an old man’s head.”

Tip Snarlhog, a 23-year-old unemployed gamer, said he expects to be breathing easier once the recycling day arrives.

“I keep coming down with bacterial pneumonia every time I rip a hit because so much mold has grown at the bottom of my bong,” Snarlhog said. “One day, I actually nearly choked to death after a mold chunk shot through the downstem and got lodged in my throat. I thought for a moment I saw Jesus, but once my eyes stopped watering, it turned out that it was just my brother, Mike, standing over me and laughing.”

Johnson said while town officials have yet to set a date for the inaugural Bong Recycling Day, it will be held at the home of local ‘70s burnout Big Cat Montana, who lives in an empty truck trailer off Exchange Street.

“I just bought a 6-foot bong off my friend Lenny, and it’s totally bad ass,” said Hans ‘Doodlebug’ Ferrer, a dishwasher at Golden Corral. “But once I brought it home, I no longer had any use for Scout, my 4-footer. And the man would totally be up my shit if I tossed Scout out on the curb. So, yeah, it’s fucking rad the town’s doing this. Hopefully, too, I’ll run into Lenny and score some bud.”


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