A Smudge Fake News Exclusive
Faso Calls Town Hall Meeting After ‘Life-Changing’ Shroom Trip
By Leslie Carp
Published March 26th, 2017
Congressman John Faso after allegedly ingesting "magic" mushrooms
KINDERHOOK — After reportedly experiencing the wonders of the universe on a magic mushroom trip, Rep. John Faso has called his first town hall meeting since the election.
“This experience has really opened my eyes,” said Faso in a heartfelt vlog entry, filmed against a rich Tibetan tapestry. “I cannot represent my constituents unless we see third eye to third eye.”
Faso — who in the video details a visit by gnomes and divine feminine entities from the spirit world — tearfully concluded: “I am them, and they are me.”
The Republican Congressman has had a rocky first few months in office. He supported the American Health Care Act, which was withdrawn due to a lack of votes late Friday afternoon. His constituents, meanwhile, have demanded he take a public stand against controversial bill HJ Res. 69, which would allow people to manually masturbate wolves and bears in Alaska before slaughtering them in their dens. And, his schedule has been inaccessible to the public and even the FBI, tucked securely away via PGP encryption.
Faso’s first town hall meeting will be held next month at the Temple of Sacred Palantirs in New Paltz, a museum of psychedelic art where one can view a life-size sculpture of Terrence McKenna made out of ayahuasca vines.
The abrupt change of heart smelled fishy to some of Faso’s constituents, who suspect the magic will wear off well in advance of the scheduled meeting.
“Anyone can eat shrooms and feel awesome for a week or two,” said Horsetail Fawnbuck, a Kingston resident who attended the ‘Where’s Faso?’ town hall in February. “But it takes more than just one dose to undo a lifetime of voting on the wrong side of history.”