Good Luck Finding Saratoga’s Newest Hip Microbrewery

By Fred Furnace

Published April 9th, 2017

Though no photographs of the new microbrew pub in Saratoga exist yet, experts agree this is exactly
what it looks like.

SARATOGA — Downtown Saratoga welcomed its newest microbrew pub last week, but it appears only the ultra-hippest of the region’s beer-snob community will be able to figure out where it’s located or how to get in.

The new pub —which has no name, sign, door, street address, or phone number — is reportedly open only about three hours per week, and accepts neither reservations nor walk-in traffic. Those lucky enough to have gained access to the venue say it offers a small list of ultra-exclusive handcrafted artisan brews with Belgian and German influences, and that flash photography within 50 feet of the establishment is strictly prohibited.

“They don’t want any regular schmo to be able to find the place,” said Geophourie (pronounced: ‘Jeffrey’) Masterson, a mustachioed 26-year-old IT professional and accomplished underground beer blogger who managed to visit the secret pub Thursday. “That’s why they decided against adding a name or a front door. And, as a new-age beer snob who measures his self-worth by only drinking beers that other people have never heard of, I applaud those efforts.

“They are catering to the beer, not the customer,” Masterson added. “They pour when the beer is ready to be poured, and if that’s not until 4:00am on a Tuesday morning, then so be it. That’s the price some of us are willing to pay for excellence.”

Given the tremendous amount of effort required to even find the place, Masterson predicts the pub will be a “huge hit” with the area’s highly douchey beer-snob community.

“It has the perfect combination of obscurity, exclusivity, and pretentiousness,” he said. “It’s a beer snob’s wet dream. I’m actually getting a chub just thinking about it." 

Despite requests from the Smudge, Masterson refused to reveal the pub's location or how one gains entry.

"Your readers,” he said, “have no business knowing where it is.”


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