No, North Colonie, South Colonie Immigrants Aren’t Taking Your Kids’ Part-Time Jobs
By Scott Salad
Published April 9th, 2017
Two Shaker High School student protesting immigration at a recent town hall meeting in Colonie.
COLONIE — A new study is shedding light on two common misperceptions spread by North Colonie's anti-immigration movement: That migrant workers from South Colonie are taking menial, part-time jobs away from their teenagers; and that, therefore, it is okay to refer to them as ‘immigrants.’
The study, based on research by 19 leading economists, found that workers who crossed the border from impoverished South Colonie had little-to-no negative effect on the overall wages and employment opportunities of native-born teens from North Colonie.
Furthermore, nearly 98-percent of those unfairly labeled “undocumented workers” by Shaker High School students, (whose parents are making them get “real” jobs this summer), are actually red-blooded Americans between the ages of 18 and 65.
“We found no evidence that North Colonie's teens are being discriminated against,” said Molly Blah, an economics professor at Cornell University who led the group that produced the 450-page report. “They're just less likely to shed their Tory Burch spring whites for drab-colored KFC uniforms and work for minimum wage.”
Town Supervisor Cricket Johnson, whose anti-immigration stance has divided Colonie and polarized this year's supervisor's race, disagrees.
In a recent town hall debate with her Democratic rival Gert Blowback, Johnson called for a crackdown on South Colonie ‘immigrants,’ saying they “directly compete with North Colonie teens for jobs that suck.” In addition, Johnson promised new controls she said would “boost wages and ensure positions are filled by entitled kids from North Colonie before they're offered to hard-working adults from the South, who are at the end of their rope, financially.”
Blowback, who somehow trails Johnson by 88-points in the polls, disagrees, arguing that the South's working class contributes to the North's economy by providing unskilled labor for employers who have struggled to find teens “willing to eat a little shit in order to earn a decent day's pay.”
“What we have is people from the other side of the tracks accepting jobs that rich kids feel they're too good for,” said Blowback. “That doesn't mean they're immigrants. Am I missing something? And how am I losing this election?”
Johnson, meanwhile, was at Colonie Center on Friday to tout her controversial plan to build a wall between South Colonie and North Colonie.
“We're going to build that wall and we're going to get our kids’ jobs back,” Johnson told a cheering crowd of white folk clad in Patagonia. “And together, we're going to make North Colonie great again!”