Menands’ Stench Linked to Nipper’s Ass by Fart Expert
By Pug Ransom
Published April 23rd, 2017
Photo by Geotek
COLONIE —A Green Island man considered an expert in offensive odors claims to have finally discovered the source of the stench that for years has plagued the Village of Menands.
Rocco Tortorelli, who conducts science experiments in his mom’s garage off George Street, said the foul odor in Menands — long described by residents as a combination of scrambled eggs and fart — can be traced to Nipper, the RCA dog perched atop a nearby warehouse on Broadway in Albany.
“Let me put it layman’s terms so as I don’t confuse you with science talk,” said Tortorelli. “The dog keeps blowing farts and then those farts are being carried by a north westerly wind into Menands. I dunno, it’s like someone is feeding him table scraps probably or something. Same thing happens when I feed pancakes to my Rottweiler, Zorro; or whenever I eat too much salami. Hand to God.”
Widely known as the most-smelly place in the Capital Region, the community of some 4,000 residents last month launched a $65,000 program under which giant "green tree” deodorizers were hanged throughout the village. But the initiative — at least so far — hasn’t been as successful as Menands officials hoped.
“The place still smells like my grandmother the morning after she eats broccoli and ham,” said Village Board member Anna Fanna. “We don’t know what to do at this point. We’re at wits end.”
In recent years, Menands has spent an estimated $4 million trying to pinpoint the source of the smell, which has been blamed on everything from nearby abandoned steel mills, to sewage treatment plants and even the village’s close proximity to Troy.
“At this point, Rocco’s theory is just as plausible as anybody else’s,” said Fanna. “I mean, yeah, the guy doesn’t seem too bright, but none of these other eggheads we’ve hired have helped. And besides, Rocco cost us nothing. He was in the area visiting his brother, Noodles, who’s in Albany Correctional, when he read last month’s Smudge story on our air freshener plan. He immediately called and offered his help.”
Reached at the jail, Noodles confirmed his brother’s expertise.
“He ain’t got no degree or anything like that but no one knows fart smells better than Rocco,” Noodles said. “He’s been farting his whole life. And besides, when you’re from a place that stinks like an armpit, you become an expert by osmosis. Know what I’m sayin?”
Not everyone, however, buys Tortorelli’s theory.
“Nipper is not real. He is a fake dog, and fake dogs don’t fart,” said Nipsy Russell, a UAlbany professor of environmental science. “Rocco is a fucking idiot.”