Trump Fires Troy Fireman

By Scott Salad

Published May 14th, 2017

Photo by Gage Skidmore.

TROY— Five days after firing FBI Director James Comey, President Trump announced the unlikely dismissal of a well-liked Collar City firefighter.

James G. Flumely, a 35-year veteran of the Troy Fire Department, was notified of his termination in a letter from Trump on Saturday.

“You're not doing a good job,” Trump wrote to Flumely. “Very simple. You're not doing a good job.”

Flumely — who fellow firefighters describe as “hard working,” “trustworthy” and “amiable” — maintains he has no idea how he became the subject of Trump's white-hot scorn.

“What did I do?” Flumely asked. “I may have called him unhinged or a narcissist at one point, but who hasn't?”

White House officials said that Attorney General Jeff Sessions pushed for Flumely's dismissal. But many political insiders saw the termination as a carefully orchestrated move by the president to be a total jerk to a random person from a blue state.

“He's really testing the limits of his executive power with this move,” notes the Smudge's senior legal analyst Dewey Gurgles.

Reaction in Washington was fast and furious. Democratic Sen. Chuck Schumer of New York said the firing could make average Americans fear that they're next.

“He's axed more people as president than he did as host of The Apprentice,” said Schumer. “No one's safe at this point.”

“I've spent several hours trying to find an acceptable rationale for this,” tweeted Sen. Jeff Flake, an Arizona Republican. “I just can't.”

While the news seemed to come out of left field, Gurgles noted this isn't the first time Trump has attempted to ruin the life of a Regular Joe living in Rensselaer County.

Last February, an obscure Wynantskill man made news after Trump called him a jerk while campaigning in New Hampshire.

“The whole thing's surreal,” said 44-year-old Gary Tuna. “I still have no idea how he knows me or why he thinks I'm a jerk. I'm not a jerk. I'm a very nice guy.”

In an odd twist, a White House official said the letter informing Flumely of his termination was delivered by Apprentice bad girl, Omarosa Manigault. Trump, in the letter, said: “While I greatly appreciate you putting out fires in Troy for 35 years, I nevertheless concur with the judgment of the Department of Justice that you are not able to effectively put them out anymore.”


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