Friends Surprised by Satan’s Arrest

By Pug Ransom

Published June, 4th 2017

GUILDERLAND — An Altamont man with devil horns tattooed on his forehead, and two large pentagrams tattooed on the sides of his face, has been charged with multiple counts of murder and arson in connection with the burning down of a Florida neighborhood, shocking those who know him back here in the Capital Region.

Satan McDaniels, 24, is being held without bail in Florida’s Sun Devil Ray County Jail, according to police. Besides torching the residential community to the ground, he is accused of killing 493 people.

But for Aaron Burr of Carman Road in Guilderland, the accusations against McDaniels just don’t add up.

“Satan is a really great guy,” Burr said. “In fact, last time he was home, I accompanied him to Lark Street where he got the word ‘HATE’ tattooed across the front of his neck. I wonder if they have the right guy.”

Ella Fitzgerald of Altamont also expressed her dismay.

“I’ve been a friend of Satan’s for a long time,” said Fitzgerald, who works in downtown Albany as a professional body piercer. “About two months ago, he came in to my shop and asked if I could fork his tongue. I feel sick about this. I love Satan.”

But McDaniel’s best friend since childhood, Scott Baio, acknowledged Satan seemed “a bit distracted” recently.

“I just spoke to him the other night,” said Baio, who lives in McKnownville. “In fact, I speak with Satan once a week to discuss the latest episode of The Bachelor. Last time we spoke, though, he seemed ‘off.’ He was telling me about his new tattoo which runs across his top lip and says ‘KILL EVERYBODY.’ I could hear something in his voice; he just wasn’t the same old Satan.”

Asked whether he believes the charges against his friend are true, Baio paused and then said:

“No. This isn’t the Satan I know. I mean, sure, he’s a little devilish, but his bark has always been worse than his bite. The Satan I know wouldn’t hurt a fly.”

McDaniels, according to police, is due back in court on June 15.


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