LESLIE CARP

Leslie Carp was born in a Finger Lakes fish hatchery. The only daughter of a Grass Carp father and a Mud Carp mother, she spent her formative years in the war-torn semi-autonomous region of South Colonie.

Upon receiving the Vertical Scale Disease vaccine in 2004, Leslie gained the ability to traverse between the world of the living and the spirit world. She collaborated with fellow shamans and medicine women in New Paltz, Woodstock, and Ithaca on a series of visionary novels. Her magnum opus, "Communing with the Crystalline Space Elves," was critically acclaimed by several new age magazines.

Leslie currently resides in a community pond in Brunswick, where she teaches smallmouth bass and bluegill on how to distinguish funny Internet memes from unfunny political propaganda.

Leslie's hobbies include eating. Her favorite foods are yellow sweet corn, white sweet corn, and multicolor sweet corn. She has been pregnant for over 13 years and does not plan on laying eggs any time soon.


STORY LIST

• Troy Mom Immediately Regrets Naming Daughter ‘Covfefe’
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• Paul Tonko To Debut Fresh Bernie Sanders Makeover for Midterm Elections
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• Police Blotter: Springtime ‘Twitterpation’ Right on Schedule
• Faso Calls Town Hall Meeting After ‘Life-Changing’ Shroom Trip
• Drunk Man to Local Women: ‘Kiss Me, I’m One-Sixteenth Irish’
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• Valentine’s Day Specials and Scores Around the Capital Region
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• Fuccillo to Head Trump Administration’s New Department of HUUUGE
• Area’s Saddest Grocery Stores Battle in Race to the Bottom
• Halfmoon Man Resolves to Make No Resolutions This Year
• Local Xmas Crusader Declares War on Chanukah
• Yankee Candle Flagship Fails to Deliver True Xmas Spirit to Millennials
• Menands Man Has “Medically Graphic“ Christmas Newsletter Censored By NSA
• George Amedore Wins Deep-Fried Turkey Lookalike Contest
• Local Couple Opts for Mass Suicide Instead of Traditional Wedding Reception
• Male Sex Organ To Be Renamed After Menands
• Niskayuna “Wino Mom” Jailed for Getting Too Drunk at Target
• Glenville’s Ken Bone Lookalike Briefly Considered Attractive By Women
• SUNY Polytechnic Student is 400-Pound Person Who Hacked DNC
• No One Wants to Steal Colonie Woman’s ‘Hillary Clinton For America’ Sign
• For Real: ‘Perfect’ Non-Disgusting Area Couple Met on Tinder
• Horse Meat Scandal ‘Shakes’ Up Saratoga
• Troy’s Frear Park to Host Controversial ‘PMS Golf Dick’ Tourney
• Albany Adult-Baby Community Adopts ‘Teddy Boo-Boo’ Cruz as Mascot
• Camp Bisco Survivors Reunite in Mariaville
• Former Fat Guy Now Insufferable Know-It-All Who Never Has A Cheat Day
• Area Drivers Hunt for Solutions to Summertime Urban Deer Problem
• Averill Park Man in Unstable Condition After Eating Vegan Food
• Troy Restaurant Owner Nabs High Yelp Rating After Social Media Meltdown
• Ravena Family Proudly Displays Fisher Price Toy Collection In Yard
• Albany Sinkhole Gets the Munchies, Swallows 'Student Ghetto'
• Schenectady ‘Embraces’ New Plan for Old Ground Round Site

Troy Mom Immediately Regrets Naming Daughter ‘Covfefe’

By Leslie Carp

Published June, 4th 2017

TROY — A Troy mom who named her firstborn child “Covfefe” is having some serious second thoughts about the permanency of her daughter’s name.

Candace Candles, 28, named her newborn daughter after President Trump’s Twitter spelling error turned viral meme.

The tweet, posted after midnight, appeared to be the result of hitting “Tweet” prematurely, reading: “Despite the constant negative press covfefe.” Since the tweet’s brief existence on the Twittersphere, “covfefe” has been made into hundreds of thousands of bad puns, memes, and forum posts on Babycenter.com.

Candles and the father of her child, Richard Dick, 27, are both political reporters and active Snapchat users who are intimately familiar with the ephemerality of the 24-hour news cycle. Still, family and friends were surprised by the name choice.

“Candace and Richard love dog memes and shit, but we never thought they would take it this far,” said a friend of the couple who wished to remain anonymous. “They’ve literally named their first born after something Donald Trump wrote on Twitter. This is almost as dumb as their decision to have a crotchfruit.”

Covfefe Candles-Dick is one of nearly 4,000 American babies born last week who share the same name. Just across the river in Albany, there were six babies named Covfefe, and several more with creatively spelled variations of the name, including Covfifi, Cofefe, and Ciophephe.

In fact, Covfefe now ranks as the third most popular baby name of 2017, falling just behind “Snowflake” and “Pepe.”

“Covfefe is less than a week old and I already want to change her name,” said Candles. “She’s going to be in pre-K with 20 other Covfefes. It’s going to be ‘Ashley’ all over again.”

Candles has since admitted she was high on morphine in the delivery room when she decided to name her daughter, Covfefe — instead of the originally planned name, Uranus.

“It wasn’t the smartest decision, but I’m going to contact a lawyer as soon as my obstetric fistula heals to get her name changed legally,” said Candles. “Uranus is a classic name that has great staying power. Covfefe is a Twitter post that got deleted after five hours and 46 minutes on the Internet.”